Monday, May 31, 2010

Had the strange, sweet fortune to partipate in the making of a music video recently, and with a group of people who seemed to possess this humbling combination of real talent and genuine kindness. The experience really lifted me out of myself, and it, combined with a handful of other electric moments, have made me fall deeper in love with music and people and summer and made me feel a sort of warmth I had nearly forgotten, made me have some kind of renewed faith in how powerfully healing and bestowing of grace collaboration and music can be.
I've found myself having a conversation again and again where I stumble trying to explain the meaning behind the words I had branded to my body- just not being able to get close to what I think Rilke meant. But here is the thing behind it- I try tremendously hard to get to meaning, and often believe I should have convictions that will guide me to transcendence and life lived properly. But I know such pursuit to be sort of foolhardy, and that mistakes will be made, and that there is ephemeral and changing truth, and that I want to be open to unknown wisdom in others that will help the scales (that always rebuild) fall from my eyes. It's kind of about faith that I have so much to learn.
It's been so lovely and eye-opening to lately let some sadness and bitterness that had rooted inside me melt, and experience sweetness and light and know I'm not enough and love all the golden, generous people in my little world.
I hesitate to make such declarations, living as I do in the irony-laden world that is easy to inhabit, but I think I know well enough by now that my nature is ridiculously sentimental, given to hyperbole, and that I find life so much more rich and beautiful when I stop trying to be clever, and lose myself in wandering.